“Late Boy” scheme expands to USA

Latest news from Washington State Department of Transport is that the successful “Late Boy” program, first introduced in the United Kingdom as a means to reduce passenger frustrations with late-running rail services managed by Railtrack, has now been introduced as a trial in the USA.

In a modification of the original concept, the American implementation will be applied to freeway congestion in the first instance. Drivers are expected to give vent to their feelings at stationary freeway on-ramps and exits. Booths are being installed during the summer and late fall, for a pilot program beginning in October 2008. Training is underway at time of writing and priority is being given to workers displaced from other parts of the Transportation agency.

Washington “Late Boy” booth beside freeway on-ramp. Shown during testing:

Published in: on September 26, 2008 at 2:41 am  Leave a Comment  
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A dance called Morris

As he approached the street performance which was even now blocking his passage through the town square, Adrian heard the irritating clack of whittled sticks and the pathetic tinkling bells of a Morris dancing troupe. He groaned inwardly. He really couldn’t see the point: it wasn’t entertaining back in 1650, and it was ridiculous now. Why preserve this absurd tom foolery of a dance? Ill-smelling middle-aged men, prancing about in off-white shirts with rolled up sleeves! Didn’t they have something better to do on a Saturday afternoon, like edging their lawns or delivering leaflets? He would write a letter about this to the Mayor. It was an activity that needed taxing.

Published in: on September 20, 2008 at 6:38 am  Leave a Comment  
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Single-ply vigilante

It may have seemed extreme, but visiting the men’s room in his long coat was the only way to bring the adjustable wrench into the cubicle unseen. “Somewhere, some accountant bean counter made a business case for buying single-ply toilet paper,” Adrian thought to himself as he sat and worked on the unyielding bolts of the toilet roll holder, “and they justified LOCKING the toilet rolls in industrial grade steel dispensers to deter the pilfering activities of criminally-minded staff.” Two beads of sweat appeared on his forehead as he sweltered at his work with the wrench, crouching in his heavy great coat.

Finally, two innocent rolls of thin toilet paper were freed from their corporate bondage: it was a symbolic moment. Adrian slipped one each into the deep outside pockets of his coat. He was the vigilante – they would be safe with him. Concealing the wrench, he flushed the unused toilet and left the cubicle with a confident and brisk step, feeling like Darth Vader in his flowing cloak having committed a devious act for the dark side – and without washing his hands.

Published in: on September 19, 2008 at 4:41 am  Leave a Comment  
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Shoe shopping

In her nightmare, Bev had been in a shoe shop, the assistant endlessly offering the same cork-wedged sandals but with different colour straps. For some reason she couldn’t leave. “Lime GREEN Perhaps?” came the question for the 50th time, an impatient, malevolent tone in the voice. Not prone to nervous ticks, Bev felt her head twitch involuntarily. She looked down to find her arms crudely bound to the chair with sticky-backed tape which said SALE SALE SALE every few inches. Around her feet, which were also bound, were strewn 200 open boxes of cork-wedged footwear in every shade of green imaginable.

Bev woke with a start and looked at the clock radio. It was 7:00 am. With one ear to the pillow, she couldn’t make out the music so she nudged the volume slightly. “Take On Me” was playing. It reminded her of the muzac in some shop she’d been in recently, she couldn’t quite recall…

Published in: on September 18, 2008 at 4:45 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Hazel

It had been a good day, Desmond mused, as he sat on the bus traveling home. Jeans Day had been a success – he felt smart in his ironed denims, but more than that, the young girl with mousey brown hair who ordered the stationery had said hello to him in the corridor. He replayed the moment over in his head – “Hello Desmond,” she’d said. She’d used his name. Desmond pressed back into the seat of the juddering bus, enjoying again the feelings that moment brought to him.

The bus left the freeway and began its winding tour of the suburbs. Desmond looked down in his seat; he was very pleased with these black jeans. Resting on his lap was his new book which he hadn’t started, “How to be an Information Worker for Dummies ™”.

Published in: on September 18, 2008 at 3:02 am  Leave a Comment  
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Jeans Day

Desmond awoke and remembered instantly: it was Jeans Day at work! Rubbing his eyes, he turned his head on his pillow and slowly focused on his jeans hanging in his bedroom, collected from the dry cleaner the day before. He’d asked for creases to be ironed down the legs especially.

He was planning to wear his jeans with his black shirt. He’d seen Simon Cowell wear something similar on one of his television programmes.

Showering quickly, he felt a flutter of anticipation as he got dressed. This was an opportunity, he thought, to really feel part of the team. To feel included. Perhaps one of his colleagues might acknowledge or speak to him today? He hoped so.

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 8:22 am  Comments (1)  
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Employee vend

Adrian stood at the glass fronted vending machine trying to understand what he was being told. He had inserted a limp bill and now had one dollar of credit. But on making his selection – a Twix – the vending robot displayed impolitely, “Use Exact Change” on its one line display, and the Refund button would not work. Adrian thought it very amusing that he was now forced by a machine into ‘up-sell’ and he had to select a pocket-packet of Basil’s Vanilla Sandwich Crème biscuits, for a full $1.

This moment of private hilarity was upstaged seconds later by the appearance of a blonde piece, stabbing buttons on the nearby coffee machine. Wearing cork wedge sandals.

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 8:13 am  Leave a Comment  
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Lime green

Samantha sat at her window seat, sipping her cup of pungent Jarrah, adjacent to that unknown minion, was her name Bev? Tess? She couldn’t remember, it hardly mattered. This tea was sooo nice, she told herself.

She felt so comfortable today in her Cartier Keyhole suit, it had been so expensive in Paris but worth every Euro, and especially as it showed off her mock-antique décolletage so nicely. And the lime-green cork wedges were just sooo a la mode in Paris – surely these Sydney people would get the point soon, and she would get a promotion.

Samantha tried hard to block out that irritating humming coming from the opposite cubicle – it was that annoying Bess again – what was she humming? Oh good grief, was it Lionel Richie? How passé. She was grateful when her mobile phone began to vibrate on her desk, covering the irritating dirge of the serf girl with a clever rendition of “Take On Me.”

“Amos! Doll! …”, she began with exaggerated delight as she answered her diminutive mobile handset…

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 8:03 am  Comments (3)  
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Sell! SELL!

Darrien wasn’t very good with computers due to missing most of his ICT classes. Uncomfortable in the executive leather chair, he thought of the Work Experience motto: “take a risk!” So he pressed F12 and sold $1.2m of stock, making his probabationary employer a timely profit: the ASX crashed the next day, Darrien’s flex day, around the time Darrien was pumping up his brother’s bicycle tyres.

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 7:55 am  Leave a Comment  
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Orange

Gripping the handle of the knife carefully, Vanessa made a nervous incision in the body on the table. Growing with confidence, she pressed the knife deeper into the yielding flesh, wondering vaguely if she was anywhere near the heart. The surgeon, her work experience supervisor, flicked vaguely through the latest Who magazine, which had been placed over the head of the patient. Taking a deep drag of her filtered 16 milligram, the surgeon noticed, if the Oscars were anything to go by, that orange was back in again.

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 7:54 am  Leave a Comment  
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The Warden

Pausing to scrape dog mess from the heel of his shoe, Roger stepped off the pavement to cross the busy main road. He felt very important in his new parking warden uniform. He looked back over his morning’s work: a line of cars, courier vans, a cement truck, a bicycle and even a recycling bin had all received parking infringement notices. As he reached the other side of the road he made his way into Smoke Mart & Gift to buy a chocolate bar in celebration of his first day at work.

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 7:52 am  Leave a Comment  
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Negotiation

It had been an exhausting 5 1/2 hour negotiation. Even so, Patrick paused, ever so slightly, before finally accepting the sizable bribe from the local businessman. He wasn’t sure if he was now, officially, moving beyond the boundaries of his work experience role in his capacity as Junior Clerk at the local Council. But, he reasoned, the Mayor had placed Patrick in charge of the Council during his week long secondment to the Gold Coast.

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 7:50 am  Leave a Comment  
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Innoculation

His first morning at the paediatric immunisation unit had been busy, but James was glad of the activity. Only last week he would have been laying in bed until lunchtime every day, scratching himself and eating timtam biscuits for every meal. The work was routine although he didn’t like it when the infants let rip with their wails as he jabbed them with “Hep-B combo” as the nurse called it. He was surprised that she treated him like a superior rather than a trainee: he was expecting something different when he signed up to be a Ward Orderly on work experience. He rummaged in his white coat for the keys to the vaccine cupboard, wondering how he was going to tell the identify the non-mercury innoculations. Surely it didn’t matter – just as long as he didn’t jab himself with the syringe again, like he had twice this morning.

(Elsewhere in the hospital)

Malcolm smiled to himself as he pushed his fourteenth patient into the theatre pre-op area. It was a great policy this hospital had: even experienced doctors were required to get some hands-on experience of “on the ground working”. And actually it was quite interesting getting to see the patients and the general traffic of sick people up and down the corridors. Perhaps next week he would start his real job in the immunisation unit – he assumed someone would come and welcome him, introduce him to his team, show him his new office. But for now he was happy with the smell of disinfectant and placing his hands on the worn bed rails, putting his back into it… “come on Mrs Jones, I’ll take you to surgery now.”

Published in: on September 17, 2008 at 7:49 am  Leave a Comment  
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Fashionably Jarrah

Bev says:

I am in an inexplicably good mood today and nothing makes me happier than wailing on someone else’s fashion sense.

My neighbour at work today is wearing a lime green paisley see-through top with a delightfully huge key-hole cut out – revealing her décolletage in all its glory. This is enhanced by cork wedge heels, with a lime strap.

She calls everyone “doll” and her mobile phone ring-tone is A-ha’s “Take on Me”. Nothing is more enjoyable than having that endlessly blasting away at 3000 decibels as she steps away from her desk to make another cup of Jarrah.

Published in: on September 7, 2008 at 5:18 am  Comments (1)  
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Meeting crime

Barbara was bored. It was a long meeting, and ever so tiresome listening to the detached voice on the conference phone. She stood up and started stroking the meeting room wall, which had an interesting mottled grey fabric covering. The woman on the speakerphone droned on and on, oblivious of this minor act of rebellion. After so many uninterrupted minutes of speaker spiel, Barbara stepped out of the room entirely, the silent-closing hydraulic door an accessory to her meeting crime. There was only so much caressing of wallpaper one could do, after all.

To her delight, Barbara found four gleaming silver turines of warm food were waiting outside in the corridor. She felt like Goldilocks discovering the Bears’ breakfast. Mmmmm, penne pasta with tunny fish, her favourite. Barabara tucked in for an early lunch.

Published in: on September 6, 2008 at 11:34 am  Leave a Comment  
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“Imprimatur”

The 8550 printer lies still and beige,
A crock of despair, having seen better days.
Come to think of it, we can’t remember when
The bloody thing ever worked – not even on day one!

So wield the hammer, wield the hammer,
Wield the hammer on the cowling of beige;
Yes – wield the hammer, and wield it swiftly -
And give us an outlet for our techno-rage.

(Imprimatur is a Latin term from the 17th century, meaning that the Pope or other authority gives “permission to print” a document.)

Published in: on September 5, 2008 at 4:06 am  Leave a Comment  
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Eternity in traffic

Adrian sat in the rush-hour traffic for what seemed like an eternity. These were the slowest traffic lights and they only let 3 cars pass per green. Then back to the long red wait. Motionless in his little wheeled box, he stared into the middle distance of dusk and wondered what it was all about. Gradually his eyes drifted downwards, scanning with disinterest the vehicle in front of him, settling eventually on its bumper sticker which asked helpfully, “Eternity: smoking or non-smoking?”

Published in: on September 5, 2008 at 3:55 am  Leave a Comment  
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Baileys from Dublin

It was 10am and literally hours after the depressing fruit and yoghurt meal Bev had consumed to break her fast. A little sweet pick-me-up was what she wanted, and she knew just the treat.

A few weeks ago, Bev had begrudgingly bought some Baileys flavoured chocolate at the Dublin airport, an offering for her colleagues after her weekend mini-break in Ireland. She wasn’t sure when the tradition of buying local treats had started but it was now a mandatory task to bring in sweetmeats following a trip. A glorious surprise when it was someone else sharing their holiday experience through the medium of chocolate, an irritating obligation when the task fell to her.

But she had taken a chance. Slinking into work early, Bev had sneakily placed the Bailey’s chocolate in her top drawer. Should anyone mention her trip she would bring out the chocolate and pass it around. But if the trip was to be forgotten, well … the chocolate would be hers and hers alone.

So a few weeks had safely passed.

Now, her desk mate, a Cambridge intern, offered her tea. “No, thanks” Bev politely refused. This would be the chance she would need.

The intern went to the kitchen.

Bev slid the drawer open and pulled out the chocolate. Muffling the sound of the wrapper as best she could she broke off a piece, 2 pieces and guiltily shoved them in her mouth. Eat, EAT, she thought, there wasn’t much time!

Published in: on September 1, 2008 at 8:01 am  Leave a Comment  
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