The Late Boy

Arnold sat in his little wooden booth, sheltering from the windy blast of the open platform. His worn radio played the strains of popular music, to Arnold’s ears they were all the same. The cracked volume knob was secured to the set with Sellotape. Beside the radio, his copy of The Mirror and his faded sandwich box. He’d eaten one of the sandwiches already and it wasn’t even 8am.

Arnold had a second sense that he was in for a beating as the train drew into the station. As the electronic doors opened in synchronisation, and the trapped masses pounced onto the greasy platform, he heard the volume rise. There was rage in the air, borne along by the charging horde, the sound of primal commuters now released from their captivity. There was no stopping them as the charged on the little wooden booth. It was amazing how such instruments of civilised gentility, the humble briefcase and brolly, could cause such harm to an aging Railtrack employee. But that was his lot, agreed by an FTE contract with pension benefits and 20 days annual leave: the sign above his occupational station said simply, “Late Boy,” an invitation to be beaten for various breaches of timeliness and related frustrations on the railway. Arnold protected his face and neck with a move taught him during his induction.

Bev was braced at the back of the madding crowd, her modest brolly aloft and ready to strike this stupid man, like her fellow passengers. She felt her turn coming, as satisfied commuters pealed away from their bashings and the next row moved forward. How could they warrant 18 minutes of lateness and standing room only? She felt her ire rise. He would Get It from her.

But then, almost immediately, it was her turn – and everything changed. She was no longer angry. Now she was at the front of the crazed crowd, looking down into the pathetic little booth where Arnold the Late Boy had his vocational abode. He was not some burly, strong character with protective wear for his punishment: he was a man in advanced middle-age, poorly shaven, in regulation navy blue Railtrack garb. His tie was dishevelled. His lip was bleeding and his glasses were pressed haplessly across his face from the many blows. There was a deep mark on his forehead from some blunt instrument of commuting. Was he conscious, as he sat on his stool, his back to the wall of the booth, somewhat slumped and senseless from receiving his duty? Bev could hardly lift a hand against this man, but wanted to help him.

She clicked her chic Cellini brolly closed and turned away. She was late for work.

Published in: on August 31, 2008 at 2:31 am  Comments (1)  
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Jammy revenge

“Somewhere in Old England somebody thought jam with turkey was a good idea,” Adrian thought to himself as a medium-sized blob of sticky red substrate slipped onto his suit trousers from the soft turkey and salad bap he was eating, a roll which he’d found ‘going spare’ on a platter in the office kitchen after an executive function attended by several government officers each of whom had also encountered the caterer’s jammy revenge on their soul-less grey suits, but telling nobody of their sticky mishaps lest they were exposed as lacking the requisite social skills to successfully eat gourmet bready luncheon rolls from paper plates while standing at a vendor event, a light meal which could feasibly be construed as receiving gifts to influence their already hampered decision making capacities, impartial or otherwise.

Published in: on August 29, 2008 at 5:16 am  Leave a Comment  
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Shortbread Fingers

Bev snuck open her desk draw carefully, revealing a packet of Walkers ‘Homebake Recipe’ Shortbread Fingers. There weren’t many left, a terrible tribute to Bev’s gluttony given she had only bought them yesterday and they had actually been meant as a ‘thank you’ gift for an American colleague.
 
She wanted desperately to avoid sharing them with her colleagues.

A loud cough and a practiced twist of her fingers managed to ply one of the buttery treats from its cardboard home. Hmmm… a nice treat for elevenses, thought Bev as she took her first bite. Pure but guilty bliss – this was going straight to her thighs. Taking a small sip of tea (no milk, she was watching her weight) she looked around at her colleagues. 4 people less than a metre from her. They had no idea. Ha ha ha haaaaa. It was these little pettinesses that made coming to work worthwhile.

Published in: on August 28, 2008 at 9:21 am  Comments (1)  
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Sausage meat and mouth noises

Adrian’s colleague, a friendly engineering type with a tendency to speak his mind, sat at his desk eating something that smelt like lightly warmed – but not cooked – sausage meat. There were minor mouth noises and the rustle of sandwich wrappings.

A creeping nausea came over Adrian.

 

Published in: on August 28, 2008 at 9:06 am  Leave a Comment  
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